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About Grants Pass daily courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1919-1931 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 4, 1922)
THE (XH'IUEH girl; If she happens to marry a man who appreciates the poetry of her nature, she is the best thing that ever happened. She looks young when she Is seventy yean old, ami her whole career Is one long basket picnic. But If she marries the wrong man, which she docs In ninety-nine caaaa out of a hundred, ahe loses her grip as soon ns she finds that her dreams were all moonshine, and then she develops In to a shrew, “Why does Tobias marry Jemima? THE DESIRABLE HUSBAND That's the real problem, lie's so dear* ' sighted lu most thlugs he should be <( JEMIMA lilNSWANGER wna In J link when «lx* cayyired Tobias able to see that sliy Isn't the wile he needs, but men have blind staggers Todmarah." observed the druggist. when they think they are in love." “Tolw ••III malm a perfect husband, or 1 nil«» my guess. lie baa no bad No Caso, but Oot a Bill. moneymaker. with Angry Mun—Here, what do you out being a tight mean, sending me thio bill for |10? wnd. Hhe will I h * Didn't you say that I had no case able to bask In agulnst the railroad company? the lap of luxury Lawyer—My dear sir, that la what the feat of her the bill la for—advice.—New York days." Central Magaxlne. “Of course that ought to make her Runs Either Way. ha|q>y." eoinment- “Are you a bull or bear In Wall ed the village street?" patriarch. “but I “Neither," replied Mr. Dustin Stax. doubt whether It , "When I'm on the trail of a sure prof- will. I have heard i It I'm a bloodhound; und when I’m a lot of |ieuple ■ scared, I'm u rabbit." xpcuk of the mar riage of tliesc Misleading Start. two. and they all "When a man begins a sentence take the same view; Tolie la a good with 'I understand—'" cl I Isen and a moneymaker, and con “What then?" sequently he pught to be a flrst-claM “He usually proceeds with an etTorl husband. Home of the eltlxena who to discuss something of which he has talk thia way are venerable married no understanding whatever." men. and they ought to know better. “Of course a woman llkea to have Simple Deduction, i plenty of money, and unlimited credit “Now. tell me the truth.” snld the at the stores, but the man lan't proper fussy old Isdy to the corner mendicant, ly educated who aaaumea that ahe will be satisfied with that. I am not the "are you really blind?" “Yea, ma'am," said the beggar. official forecaster, and I haven't my “What Is that 1 am about to give giMwebone with me. but 1 venture to predict that (lie marriage will he a you?” “A nickel ma'am." dismal failure. Tobias, with all hla "Ha! If you are blind how do you exi-ellent qualities. Is the most close- mouthed man In town, and If he ever know It's a nickel r "Because, ma'am. I never get more had an emotion he probably look It for a chill, and began doping himself than a nickel out of people like you.*“ with quinine. There's ns much senti Sojer Philosophy. ment in a concret» bitching post aa “How many halvoo are there to a there Is In that man. “Jemima, on the other hand, fairly man, Pete?" "Don't be a fool, there's only two slops over with sentiment. Kite's a* languishing sort of girl, who looks up halves to anything. Why?" “Well, when I came out of the on herself us a vine, and will want her husband to l>e a sturdy oak, so she trenches *1 was half-starved, half- can wind herself around him. aa It froxen. half blind and half-plain dead. were. She will expect Tobias to tell How come?"—American I.eglon Week her. four thousand times a day, how ly* much lie loves her; and every time he takes a chnlr she will climb on his knees nnd push her topknot Into Ills face, nnd expect him to assure her In burning lunguage that he simply couldn't live five minutes without her. "When that sort of a girl gets the right husband, my friends, she la an excellent wife. She would make any •acrittce for him. She wouldn't care a picayune about the alxe of hla bank account. She'd be perfectly willing to live under a bridge with him. and wear n burlap gown, If he'd only keep on telling her that she Is the entire solar system where he Is concerned. HE'8 BETTER OFF It Is a tragic fact that tills sort of “Look at that poor motorist being girl seldom docs get the man she towed In by a horse.” ought to have. She should splice up “Lucky guy, I calle him. Ho ain't had to buy no gas since ho broke with a half-baked poet, or a hungry down.” artist with long Itulr, but there Is much Irony In human Ilves and des “The Good—“ You Know— tinies, nnd so ahe usually marries it When correcting your youngster man who la strong on mathematics lie it by rod or tongue, and short on sentiment. It might be well to remember That you didn't die young. “That's the mistake Jemima is mak ing. Why docs she ntnrry such a hard- Easy Resolution. bended Individual ns Tobias? Because, “Jngsb.v Insisted on carrying nibbles like all her kind, she Is a dreamer of dreams, and she has given him attri home Inst night.” "Well?” butes which don’t belong to him. She "But nibbles Insisted on carrying him framed up a character for him, and i it Isn't a bit like the real goods. Jagshy home.” "How did they decide the mattert' When she Ims been married a little “They atnyed In town." while she will sea that her blueprints and apeclllcutiona were all wrong, nnd True Hospitality. the disappointment will make an old “My wife thinks we run a hospitable woman of her, and her temper will become warped and she'll lie so dis house. What's your notion of a hospit agreeable In every way that her hus able house?" “Oh, for me, I feel that It's a hospit band will spend most of hla time flunking up excuses for staying away able house when In the come and go of company enough umbrellas are left from home. -.“That's the way with a sentimental to keep It supplied." Uncle Wali’5 O PACK FIV3 HISTDRYTI MYSTERIES z <z Mr «ww or z « w**r*J—y THE MISSING MESSENGER TT WAS on June 14. 1001, that Kent A Ixxanis. brother of F. B. I-oomla, the assistant secretary of state, sailed frotu New York on board the Kaiser Wilhelm II, beurlng with him the text of a treaty between the United States and Abyssinia—a treaty concerning which there had been much conjecture and speculation on the part of certain European powers. Under ordinary circumstances Loom- 1s would have taken his wife and child with Idm; on thia occasion, he con sidered It l>ewt.to leave them behind In Parkersburg, W. V., both on account of the fact that he was on a diplo matic mission and because he Intended to participate In some big-game hunt ing after delivering the treaty to King Menellk. Nothing unusual occurred on the trip until the morning of June 20, tlie day on which the steamer was due to «lock at Plymouth. England. It was then noted that Loomis' seat at the captain's table was empty and a steward was dispatched to And out If he were III. A few minutes later the steward returned with the news that Ixiomis* berth had not been occupied and an Immediate search of the ship was ordered—but without bringing to light the slightest trace of the repre sentative of the American government. Several passengers volunteered the Information that they had seen Loomis on deck shortly after mid night and William E. Ellis, cabin mate and traveling companion of the missing passenger, declared that bls friend's absence from the cabin had not alarmed Idm because of the fact that Loomis had come In at a fairly late hour on several previous evenings. British officials at Plymouth and the French officers at Cherbourg repeated the search of the steamer, but In vain. Nothing was missing from the cabin ears the suit which Loomis was wear ing at the time and even the flat dis patch box which <*ontalned the text of the treaty was found concealed be neath a pile of clothing In one comer of Loomis' trunk. Investigation de veloped the fact, however, that the State department maaaenger had been In the Imblt of carrying this box In hla pocket anil had laid It aside on the previous evening only because It made an uiiM*emly bulge In the dress clothes which he had donned In honor of the captain's dinner. During the next few weeks rumors of all kinds flll«td the press on both sides of the Atlantic. Loomis had gone suddenly mad and had been placed in a sanatorium. He had slipped off the steamer at Plymouth disguised aa a second-class passenger. He was the victim of n clique of International spies who. balked In their attempt to secure possession of the text of the treaty, were holding him for ransom. He was still confined In the hold of the Kaiser Wilhelm—and so on to the limit of the Imlglnatlons of those who like to itwe fact as n basis for Action. But all these reports were set at rest when, on the morning of July 16 —Just thlrty-two days after Loomis had sailed from New York—a body wna washed up nt Warren Point, about fifteen miles from Plymouth. Believing that the body was that of a common sailor, the local police were about to Inter It without further cere mony, when, from the watch-pocket of the trousers there dropped a waler. Bonked bit of pasteboard, upon which was barely discernible the name, "Kent J. Loomis." Careful examination of the body developed the fact that, under the right ear, there wna a circular wound which appeared to have been Inflicted before death and a post-mortem ex amination of the lungt- of the dead man allowed conclusively that death had been due to the blow which had resulted In this wound, rather than to drowning. The physicians were di vided In (heir opinion as to wliethet ! the blow had been delivered by an ftp 1 strument similar to a blackjack or whether I .oom Is might have fallen and struck his head against a projecting portion of the Ironwork on the steam er. Examination of the Kaiser Wil helm's log showed, however, that the sea had been extremely calm on the i night that Loomis came to his death 1 and that there had not been enough I roll to cause anyone to lose hla foot- : Ing. Besides, there was the evidence of the manner In which the body was clotbed. The coat was missing, the collar had been tom partly away and there were other signs of rough treat- ■ meat before Ixximis had struck the water. It was therefore practically certain that the messenger had been mur dered. Bot who had killed him—and 1 why? Had he been struck down on account of the money he was csrrylng ' or because of the treaty? Was his death a forecast of the World war which was to follow twelve yesrs i Ister? These and all the other questions which surrounded the mystery remain as one of the unsolved riddles of diplomatic intrigue. A Bit Skeptical. “Who Is the Important looking stranger?" “He styles himself advance guard of pros|>erlty. He Is here to at'dress the business men of our town." "The hotel proprietor doesn't seem to believe he's the advance guard of prosperity. He has Just refused to cash the stranger's check."—Binning- I ham Age-Herald. THE MANTLE OF CHARITY Mrs. Primms—That woman Just ahead of ua Is Mrs. Torse In her latest evening gown. She puts every cent she has on her back. Her Husband—Ah well, poverty la no crime. Serious Stuff. 1 A humorist wrote In a Hshteom* w.v Of the price of fuel, the other day; But I don't see. to eave my soul. How a fellow can Joke about a ton 0'rt.sl! Pardonable. "What Is your reason for proposing I to me again after I refused you so emphatically?" Inquired Miss Cayenne. “My mistake,” rejoined the young man. “Since you bobbed your hair and put on knickerbockers I didn't know you were the same girl." A Burden Lifted. "What's the matter with Jibway? He looks depressed. "He has given up the struggle of trying to make both ends meet." “Most p«*ople begin to look younger when they reach that decision.” Discretion. “Whnt Is your favorite recreation?" "I decline to answer,” replied Sen ator Sorghum. "I'll take a chance on differing with a constituent on a ques tion of serious public opinion. But if you ever intimate that you don’t re gard a friend’s particular pastime as the greatest of sports you lose hint forever." t NEEDLE88 Daughter—Pa, ourdomeetle science professor la teaching ua how to spend money. Dad (Interrupting)—Next he'll ba teaching ducks hew to swim.
